The Black Metal Saga
Neo-Conservative Wackjob and Rhinoceri Cowboy
Jebahdaiah is the youngest of twelve children from a very rural, conservative, traditional, god-fearing, cling to wands and religion region. His eldest four brothers moved away and died in the jungles of ‘Nam. His next five brothers died of various farm-related accidents: falling under equipment, being electrocuted while taking down a flag during a storm, kissing a snake to prove the triumph over sin, falling down a well whilst the family dog laughed and laughed, and a terrible accident with a wand he insisted wasn’t loaded. His sister was beaten to death by her husband, whom she never left because divorce was against the will of the gods, and his last brother turned out social and fiscally progressive and shot himself in shame. His father died of a tooth infection that he refused to have looked at because, “the gubernment will put a magic tracking device” in his teeth should he go to a dentist, and his mother died from eating unpasteurized milk, because “the gubbernment has no damn right to tell me what I can and cannot drink!”
Jebahdaiah was the first member of his family to attend any higher education, but left after he discovered it was, “A communist hippy athiest jihadist training camp dasigned to brainwash the youngins!” Consequently, Jebahdaiah followed in his father’s footsteps and became a rhinocri farmer. Riding his majestic Giraffe, he provides the world with Rhino-products while hating people of other races. He is married, and he an LeSinequa enjoy spending hours sitting on his porch, hating people of other genders like a happy couple.
He was once abducted by aliens, and wears tin foil to prevent the “gubbernment’s mind-control waves from infectin’ his brain!”